Giving Up The Illusion of Control: From Fear to Fun.
From trying to control life to living it.
A War in Our Heads
Last weekend, I found myself by the ocean – and in it.
Blue sky and water, yellow sand, and the sun. Bliss.
But it wasn't always like this. The elements were the same, but I was different.
For years, I was terrified of big waves. My dreams were haunted by tsunamis, and even in real life, I preferred my water calm and predictable.
But three years ago, something shifted.
Standing on that same beach, I watched my friends gleefully jump into the waves. I wanted to join them, but the water was cold, and the waves were intimidating.
Where I saw danger, others saw fun.
As I dipped my toes in, I told myself, "It's freezing! I hate this! The waves are unpredictable. I can't get in."
Then a thought struck me: How come they can I can’t? What if it's just a story I'm telling myself? What if I change the story? What if, instead of tensing up, I relaxed and welcomed the cold water? Or at least TRY?
Easier said than done, of course, but I gave it a try. I waded deeper, saying to myself, "Oh, this isn't so bad. It's actually quite nice!"
The water was still cold, but I reacted with curiosity instead of resistance.
The cold became less biting, and I felt a sense of spaciousness opened up within me. Then, instead of resisting the waves, I leaned into them. I started jumping when they came, then swimming in them. And it was fun!
The water was no longer cold, the waves were no longer my enemies.
The Story We're Telling Ourselves
The world is what we tell ourselves it is.
The more we try to control what's beyond our grasp, the more we struggle and waste our precious energy. It's like obsessively trying to sweep leaves during a tornado.
For the longest time, I was obsessed with controlling every aspect of my life, desperate to be prepared for whatever life threw at me. I did fine, but the focus was on surviving, not living.
When you try to control everything, you cut yourself off from the most incredible energy source there is: life itself.
We fool ourselves into believing that with meticulous plans, careful analysis, and multiple scenarios, we can ensure safety. But all we're really doing is living in the trenches of a war that exists only in our heads.
This might be a decent survival tactic, but it's no way to thrive.
We stop trusting ourselves, our intuition, and the world around us. We become terrified of uncertainty, ambiguity, and the glorious messiness of life. We try to impose structure and labels, but it's like building sandcastles on the beach – one big wave comes along and wipes it all away.
When Less is More
Paradoxically, when the world is uncertain and in flux, our instinct to control everything only tightens.
But what if, instead of fighting the chaos, we leaned into it? What if we embraced the unknown as an opportunity for growth and transformation? After all, it's in the moments of greatest uncertainty that we often discover our deepest resilience and creativity.
Life is not meant to be feared but lived.
As Michael Singer beautifully illustrates in "The Surrender Experiment," surrendering to the flow of life doesn't mean giving up; it means opening ourselves to infinite possibilities. When we step into curiosity and creativity, our lives become driven by passion and wonder, not fear.
By stepping out of our comfort zones and allowing ourselves to be vulnerable, we become more resilient, more antifragile.
The Power of Less
We're bombarded with messages telling us to want MORE: more time, more energy, more productivity, more of everything. But what if the answer lies in LESS?
Less struggle, less fear, less waste.
Maybe instead of trying to fill our overflowing buckets, we should focus on patching the leaks. Or even better, ditch the buckets entirely and jump into the waves!
From Making Plans to Setting Intentions
I used to love making plans and setting goals. But it was never really about the goals themselves – it was about the illusion of control they provided. I needed them more than they needed me.
Slowly, I started to let go. I wondered,
"Will everything fall apart if I stop making plans?"
What if, instead, I focused on setting intentions?
What if I shifted my attention from what I wanted from life to how I wanted to show up in the world?
So I surrendered. I stopped chasing and making elaborate plans, focusing instead on who I wanted to be.
I asked myself, "Will I like myself more for responding to this situation in this way or that way?"
The more I liked myself, the more I liked others, and the more I liked life.
And the more I liked life, the more life seemed to like me back.
Funny how that works.
Tired of the never ending battle between the opposing voices in your head?
Are you're ready to move beyond stuckness?
Awesome.
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Let me know when the Creative Companion is ready!
Can’t wait?
I get it. Get in touch for some 1:1 mental hand-holding and jumping over the puddles.
Let's connect and explore the possibilities together!