How Lasting Change Happens: Slow Down To Get There Faster.
I like to say that in the Age of Ai I focus on what’s not going to change anytime soon: human nature.
The self-help industry thrives on our struggle with change.
Despite the abundance of books, podcasts, and articles on self-improvement, people continually consume more.
This begs the question: If these resources were truly effective, wouldn't we see a decrease in demand?
With all the information at our fingertips and our own insights, one would expect us to be better off. Yet, most of us find ourselves running in circles, getting better at thinking about doing and generating insights, but failing to translate this into actual change.
We know stuff: meditate, exercise, focus, plan, stay consistent, drink more water, think happy thoughts. But even when we try to do it, it rarely sticks.
Knowing is important. To an extent, visualizing things can help, too, but we tend to focus a tad too much on the mental part of the equation, instead of a more holistic approach
The Missing Link: Our Bodies.
I guess part of our resistance to "doing the work" stems from a misalignment between expectation and reality (or my beloved gap between The Map and The Territory).
We've been conditioned to expect immediate results, but personal growth operates on a different timescale. It's a gradual process, often invisible to the naked eye, much like the slow growth of a tree from a tiny seed.
I know it’s frustrating when you really want to change some behavior, but struggle to do so. Wouldn’t that be easier if all it took was to watch some youtube videos or read an article on Substack? I guess it would.
But for now, it is what it is, and the smartest way is to obey our human quirks and work with nature, not against it.
In my search for the missing link, I explored the concept of neuroscience of change -and ended up doing a course on the topic. It was eye-opening.
Our bodies - always at our fingertips - are often the overlooked component in the change process.
We expect change to happen automatically upon "downloading" information because we mistake ourselves for the technology we're surrounded by. But we are biological beings and operate differently.
This seemed to be the missing ingredient of how our bodies are a key ingredient in learning, in processing, in changing.
For change to be lasting, it must colonize our bodies, much like mycelium colonizes grains. Our physical selves are not just vehicles for moving around - they are crucial ingredients in deep, lasting change. If we stay with the mushroom analogy, our thoughts and insights are merely the spores that need time and adequate conditions to grow into a dense net, and then grow fruit.
The Process of Change
How does this process unfold?
Repetition: Repeating a behavior enough times establishes neural connections in our brains, thanks to myelination. This is how children learn - through doing, not through consuming self-help content.
Strategic Adaptation: Since we are no longer kids, we face a trickier task. It's like renovating an old, furnished house rather than building from scratch. This is precisely why we need to be strategic and find ways to work smarter, not harder.
Experiential Learning: We often think that as adults, we don't need to try, experiment, or experience things to learn. But after countless self-help books and failed New Year's resolutions, we're left wondering why we know so much yet practice so little.
"Tell me and I forget, teach me and I may remember, involve me and I learn."
- Benjamin Franklin
And then there’s one more fun thing to tackle: Our Immunity to Change
Our bodies need time to acclimate to new behaviors, encoding them as 'good' or 'bad'. We can't simply graft change onto ourselves and expect it to last.
Deep behavioral change is similar to a transplant or growing something new:
Transplant: If you want to transplant a new behavior or pattern, you need to find a good match and then lower your system's resistance to prevent rejection. That requires more motivation, willpower, and discipline.
Growth: If you grow something from scratch, your body won't fight it; it will fly under the radar of your mental ‘immune system’. Your body (and mind) will slowly acclimatize to the change, making it its own.
"The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance."
- my good friend, Alan Watts
The irony is that the longer we resist embracing the true nature of change, the longer our transformation takes.
Embracing Slow Change
We sometimes like to treat ourselves like we’re simple machines - but we are biological beings, not technological devices. Biology operates differently.
We can't simply download an update and instantly become a new version of ourselves.
Our changes are organic, requiring time to take root and flourish.
In this context, going slow isn't just an alternative approach – it's often the most effective shortcut to lasting change.
"Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished." - Lao Tzu
We don’t like to wait for what we desire. This "slow change" philosophy might seem counterintuitive in our instant world, but it aligns perfectly with our biological nature.
In this scenario, our best bet is to:
cultivate patience and persistence.
learn to appreciate the small, incremental changes (here’s my take on the Kaizen approach).
It's about creating an environment conducive to growth, nurturing our aspirations with consistent effort, and trusting in the process. Just don’t forget to actually have a process in place, so you have something to trust in!
If you are looking to change something in your behavior - create or ditch some habits - you better shed this "same day shipping" mentality.
It takes a holistic view and systems thinking approach involving our environment, thinking, processing, and bodies.
As one smart guy with a long white beard said:
"The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." (that guy was Lao Tzu, btw)
And it’s often a physical step we need to take, and then another, and so on.
Here’s the whole formula in a nutshell:
Start small.
Stay focused.
Get stronger.
Grow from there.
Struggling with creating a lasting change? Great.
I am looking for 2-4 people to test some habit coaching for my certification, so drop me a DM if you’re interested to try!
You do not need any drastic time commitment for that, so no need to wait for your schedule to clear!
It will be a "The creation of a thousand forests is in one acorn." (R. W. Emerson) type of experience.