Is Living an Intentional Life a Privilege for the Lucky Few?

Tread carefully.

What is the main reason people don’t live a more intentional life?

Lack of focus, attention, and distraction; not enough reflection.

Lack of Self-awareness and living on autopilot.

What’s the main reason why so many of us live on autopilot?

Not taking the time to reflect on our values, goals, and priorities.

Being in a reactive mode more than in a creative/emergent mode.

“Intentional Living? Yes, awesome. I’ll add it to my to-do list! I’ll get back to deep thinking as soon as I pay my bills, get more coffee, check Twitter, feed my cat, and walk my dog.”

Life is busy and gets in the way. There is work to do, kids to feed, pets to pet, and we often don’t have the energy to think about what we would want our lives to really look like, let alone find the energy to actually pursue our goals.

But at the same time, many of us don’t make intentional choices about how we spend the time and energy that we do have.

Minutes before midnight: The midlife panic strike.

Do you know when the old dreams and fantasies catch up with you? Minutes before midnight, around midlife.

That’s when some decide:

• Fuck it! There’s got to be more to life than that! — and they start looking for other options. Some succeed and reinvent themselves, while others won’t.

• Fuck it! It is what it is too late to reinvent myself. All I can do is keep walking in the tunnel and maybe, occasionally, get some fun.

Hopes and expectations up — discomfort tolerance down.

Depending on where you were born and who raised you, you might have gotten your share of “you are special and can be anyone you like’ or not.

I am all for a healthy dose of self-confidence, but simply hearing the message that you’re awesome without having to earn any of it is tricky.

Yes, it can sometimes help you reach for more in life, but if your abilities don’t match your expectations, you’re heading toward a bitter disappointment.

Pair that with decreased tolerance for discomfort (aka low grit level), and you have a deadly mix.

That is one of the main reasons why so many of us are not okay these days.

The gap between our hopes and expectations and reality is simply too great. We bridge it with what we can — some with Prozac, others with ice cream, many with other compulsive consumption.

Fear me not. But have respect.

Another reason why we don’t live a more intentional life is good old fear.

Fear of failure, fear of the unknown, and fear of change keep us stuck in our comfort zones and prevent us from taking action toward our goals.

“How wonderful! I now know what’s missing in my life, what I would really want, but I have no idea how to get it. Oh, and I am tired; I’d rather watch something on tv. Awareness sucks; it hurts. I need Prozac or a big bowl of ice cream.”

The hard truth is: living more intentionally will require sacrifices and trade-offs that we are simply not willing to make.

Under pressure

Social pressure and norms are still a thing. Maybe it’s no longer the 19th century, but we still conform to too many social norms. After all, we are mammals with a lizard brain underneath the surface. We want to belong, and to do that; we often need to conform. Often our values and goals need to be sacrificed on the altar of belonging.

The problem is, without taking the time to investigate our values and having our goals aligned with them, you can still be very successful at climbing that ladder.

But it often is an entirely wrong ladder.

If you want to make sure you’re climbing the right ladder, you may want to read this piece.

But the big question is: is it even worth it?

It takes effort and courage to live a life that is aligned with who we really are and what we really want in life.

The rewards can be significant, but it’s definitely not for the faint-hearted.

Not all of us have the guts to become wild explorers, but that doesn’t mean we need to live our lives as cogs in a machine.

Marie Kondo your life.

When I encourage people to live more intentionally, I don’t mean ditching your entire career and family to live as a monk (please don’t!).

It’s more about stopping the frenzy for a second and doing a mental audit of the reality we’re living in.

If you’re familiar with the Marie Kondo cleaning/decluttering method, you can do the same for the rest of your life.

Grab a couple of mental baskets, and decide what sparks joy, feeds you — spiritually or literally — and is a 100% keeper; what occupies a lot of room and consumes your precious resources — time, energy, and money; what is a ‚maybe, but need to think about it.’

Take stock, re-evaluate, discard, or keep.

There, living more intentionally doesn’t have to be that scary!