What If Life Isn't Happening TO You, But FOR You?
Another way to look at things.
I've been thinking differently about narratives lately - the stories we tell ourselves, how we filter reality, the inner scripts that shape everything. And it's pretty exciting. There's some serious weaving happening behind the scenes, and it feels like a gestation stage for something that wants to emerge. This time it's different - definitely bottom up, not top down.
So today, I wanted to share a shift in perspective that's been central to what I'm building - one that I believe can offer more hope, and as a consequence, more resilience.
Here's a way of looking at life that completely changed my perspective, and maybe it'll do something for you too.
We usually think backwards about our lives.
Something happens to us, we react, we become someone as a result. We build this story about who we are based on what we've been through, and then we operate from that identity. It's all very reactive in a sense.
But what if we flipped the script? What if everything that's happening to you - the good, the bad, the stuff that makes no sense right now - is actually preparing you for who you're meant to become?
Think about it like this: you have a mission, a purpose, something you're here to do or become. But to get there, you need to be a certain kind of person. You need specific skills, perspectives, resilience, wisdom.
And here's the thing - you can't just read about these qualities in a book or take a course and suddenly have them. That's not how human development works.
You need experiential learning. You need to make mistakes, feel real pain, experience genuine joy, lose hope and find it again. You need your hands dirty and your heart broken and your spirit tested. Because that's how we actually grow into who we're supposed to be.
The Classroom Is Always in Session
I look back at my life now and I can see the threads connecting everything. The thing I'm building now, the stuff I care about, the way I approach problems - it all traces back to specific experiences that seemed random or even cruel at the time.
I could have drawn different conclusions, could have become someone entirely different. But I didn't. I'm here, doing this, and it feels right in a way that's hard to explain.
Maybe that's not coincidence. Maybe there really is a plan, and we're just collecting lessons along the way.
Now, I know this might sound a little woo-woo to some people. But before you roll your eyes, hear me out. This isn't about some mystical force controlling your life. You still have free will. You can refuse the lessons. You can keep choosing the easy path, avoiding discomfort, looking for shortcuts.
But here's what I've noticed: when people refuse to learn what life is trying to teach them, they end up repeating the same patterns over and over. Same relationship problems, same career frustrations, same inner conflicts. Maybe the lesson is persistent. Maybe it keeps showing up until we finally pay attention.
Why Diamonds Need Pressure
You know how diamonds are made? Coal under pressure.
Pearls? They start with irritation, something uncomfortable that gets worked over time until it becomes beautiful.
Your muscles? They only grow when the tissue gets torn down first.
There's a pattern here. Growth happens through resistance, through challenge, through things that initially feel like problems.
We've gotten this idea that life should be smooth sailing once we figure things out. We want someone to hand us the keys to success and let us skip all the messy middle parts. But what if that's not how it works? What if the messy middle parts ARE the point?
Viktor Frankl said that someone who has a "why" can endure almost any "how."
The suffering isn't the problem - it's the meaninglessness that kills us.
When something bad happens and we can't see any point to it, that's when we break down. But when we can frame it as preparation, as training, as necessary development for what's coming next? Suddenly it becomes workable.
Not pleasant. Not easy. But workable.
The Question That Changes Everything
So instead of asking "Why is this happening to me?" - which usually leads nowhere good - try asking "What is this trying to teach me?" or "How is this preparing me for what's next?"
It's a completely different lens. Instead of being a victim of circumstances, you become a student. Instead of things happening TO you, they're happening FOR you.
If you're stuck right now, if life feels like it's not going according to plan, maybe you're in the classroom. Maybe there's homework you haven't done yet, foundations you need to master before you can move forward.
And if you feel like you're being held back while everyone else advances, it's not punishment. It's preparation. You can't build a house on a shaky foundation. You can't skip the fundamentals and expect things to hold up long-term.
The Birth
Think about childbirth. Nature could have designed it to be easy and painless, right? But it didn't. There's struggle, there's pain, there's this intense process both mother and baby have to go through. Studies show that babies who go through natural birth actually come out stronger - better immune systems, more resilient.
It's almost like the struggle itself is part of the design. The challenge isn't a bug, it's a feature.
Maybe our life challenges work the same way. Maybe avoiding them entirely isn't actually doing us any favors.
Making Peace with the Process
I'm not saying you should go looking for problems or that you should enjoy suffering.
I'm saying that when challenges show up - and they will - you have a choice in how you frame them. You can see them as evidence that life is unfair and you're unlucky. Or you can see them as curriculum, as preparation for whatever comes next.
One way leaves you feeling powerless and bitter. The other way gives you agency and hope.
The ancient Stoics had this concept called "amor fati" - love your fate.
But I think what I'm talking about goes beyond just accepting what happens to you. It's about trusting that what happens to you is exactly what you need to become who you're meant to be.
That's not always easy to believe when you're in the thick of it. But looking back, connecting the dots, seeing how everything led to where you are now? That's when it starts to make sense.
Your life isn't random. Your struggles aren't pointless. You're not being punished.
You're being prepared.
The question is: for what? And are you paying attention to the lessons, or are you going to have to repeat this grade?
But you probably don’t see it that way. Yet.
