How We All Got a Little Lost

When Good Advice Stops Working

Before we jump into healing our broken hearts from all the lofty promises of constant self-improvement, I need Your (Tiny) Help!

If any of the above or below resonates with you, please tickle the algorithm Universe and spread some hope ❤️

Sermon over, let’s jump in!

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Everywhere you look, someone's selling answers. What to learn. How to change. Where things are headed.

They say you need a strong why—some big mission to push you forward. That helps, but I think what you really need is hope. Not motivation or another strategy, but that stubborn little voice that says, "Maybe something different is possible for me."

Without that, even the best why doesn't move you.

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Most of us are tired. If we're honest: somewhat disillusioned, or even a little heartbroken. Sometimes stuck.

Not because we didn't try- it often feels like we tried everything.

We followed the steps. Took courses. Read books. Set goals. Tracked habits. Built systems. Journaled until our hands cramped. We really thought if we just found the right combination, we could fix our lives. We did it all right, tried following the map -and still have little to show for it.

But here we are - still stuck in the same patterns, even though we can name each one perfectly. Deep, lasting, and sustainable change is NOT easy.

Transformation is Not Linear

Somewhere along the way, we bought into this idea that growth should be neat and tidy. We did, because it was convincingly sold to us in a pretty, well-packaged, and often very compartmentalized form. But our lives are rarely that.

We thought if we were smart enough or had enough self-awareness, we could skip the messy parts. We believed the right framework would save us from the struggle. That understanding something deeply was the same as changing it.

But here's the thing - knowing stuff doesn't change you. You can't just think your way into being different. You have to live it. And living it is messy. It's confusing. It's full of days where you think, "I have no idea what I'm doing."

It feels like a mess until suddenly, one day, it doesn't.

When Good Advice Stops Working

Sooner or later, most of us hit a wall. I call it the "I'm so done with all this" moment.

It's when all advice starts sounding the same. When the fancy roadmaps don't match the actual road you're on. When you realize most of the people giving advice haven't actually been where you are. It's a lot of "do what I say, not what I do."

The feeling builds up slowly. Then one day you think: "I don't want to work on myself anymore."

That's when we quit. We unsubscribe from the newsletters. We close the books. We step off the self-improvement treadmill. Usually because we finally see through the false promise - that if we just did enough work on ourselves, we'd finally feel good.

And no, good advice didn’t stop working, well, not really. We have. And for a good reason.

High on Hope-ium

We didn’t get into personal development because we were bored and cynical; we became that way because we were full of hope—and somewhere along the way, we lost it.

We really believed we could change, grow into better versions of ourselves, and find a way to feel better about our lives. That hope kept us going through all the books, systems, and morning routines, pushing us to try again and reach for more.

One of the things nobody talks about is what happens when something doesn't work even when we try our hardest; each time we give it our all and still feel stuck, a bit of that hope chips away.

Over time, we end up not just tired but bitter, worn down, and cut off from the part of us that used to believe things could be different. This is the sadness we don't have a name for—not just running out of energy, but losing faith that we can still change in ways that matter.

And we totally can - but it needs a different approach.

The Burnout Cycle

What happens next is pretty predictable.

We swing wildly between "I'm going to fix everything about myself" and "Screw this entire self-improvement thing."

We drop our goals and hopes trying to escape feeling like a failure. Sometimes that's exactly what we need - to stop trying so hard and just be.

But life doesn't stop, and sometimes we can't afford to just quit. Sometimes we have to keep going on empty, which takes a kind of toughness you won't see on Instagram - the quiet, gritty kind that isn't pretty but gets you through anyway.

Doing Without Results Is Brutal

Working really hard and seeing zero results doesn't just make you mad - it breaks something in you. You start asking yourself:

Was I stupid to believe this would work?

Did I miss a step somewhere?

Maybe I'm just not cut out for this?

Yet- you still have to keep going somehow. You have to keep trying even when you've got nothing to show for your efforts. You're working for a future you can't see yet. You're trying to be someone new while your old self fights you every step of the way.

That's the real reason change is hard - not because we're lazy, but because it costs too much emotionally. It hurts to keep believing when nothing seems to be working.

Trying to Control It Makes It Worse

The more we try to control everything, the harder it gets. We look for the perfect system, because we are scared of investing whatever precious resources we have left into another thing that will fall flat.

We want predictable results. We search for shortcuts through the messy middle. But life doesn't work that way.

Real change happens when you loosen your grip a little, accept that you can't plan out every step, and trust the process even when it feels like nothing's happening. That trusting is NOT easy.

You can’t skip the uncomfortable parts, because that’s exactly where the growth happens. AND it’s where a lot of our resistance live. We usually want change and fight against it. Part of us wants to transform, while another part clings to our old self—the one who got us this far, the one who helped us survive.

That's not failure. It's just being human. We need to stop acting like knowing what to do is the same as actually doing it.

Change Needs to Be Prototyped

Real change isn't a neat before-and-after picture. It's more like growing a garden - messy, takes forever, and nobody can see what's happening underground.

You don't just flip a switch. You try something, mess up, take a break, and try again. That's how roots grow. And roots look like absolutely nothing is happening... until something finally pokes through the dirt.

When You've Tried Everything

So what do you do when you've tried it all - the books, habits, coaches, systems - and nothing works?

When nothing sticks unless you're white-knuckling it, and you're sick of being your own project? Sometimes you need to pause, give yourself some space. Stop trying to fix everything. But this isn't about giving up. It’s often a necessary pause to take stock and reflect: what worked, what didn’t, and why?

Maybe it was never about doing more but rather about moving differently - slower, more real, less for show. Bit by bit, inching forward.

Small Wins First

When the mountain looks too big, we freeze.

But one small win changes everything. Just one step that actually works builds trust in yourself.

Try one new thing in a situation that doesn't matter much. Make one tiny change instead of overhauling your life. Feel a bit of progress. That's how momentum starts. That's how you start believing again.

You don't get confident and then act; you act in tiny ways until your confidence catches up.

So what now?

First, let's drop this all-or-nothing thinking - either "give up completely" or "hustle harder."

Maybe there's a third option. What if change isn't something to achieve but a story to live? What if it's not about "arriving" but about the weird, unexpected journey?

Expect the Mess

If you think it should be smooth, you'll always be disappointed. But if you expect wrong turns, confusion, and bad weather, then you're not failing - you're just in the middle of the story.

Sometimes we just need to update our inner story about how change actually works. There's a reason why hard-earned change feels so good: we earned it.

We value what stretched us, what hurt, and who we became in the process. Yet we often stubbornly fight it and keep trying to avoid the work.

We want the flower without digging in dirt, strength without pain, growth without letting go of who we were. Makes sense, but it's the exact trap we keep falling into.

Don't Do It Alone

The biggest lie is that you should do it alone - that you shouldn't talk about it until your thoughts are perfect or be seen until you've made impressive progress. That "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" narrative.

But real growth isn't solo work. We need other people who can see us clearly, who can spot growth before we feel it, but also to feel that most of us goes through the same stuff. It’s easy to start believing it’s just us and get stuck in our heads. I’m sure you’re special, but not that special - to some extent, we all struggle. And we just weren't made to change by ourselves.

Now What?

Maybe start again, but differently. Not with some intense 90-day transformation plan, but with a bit more kindness and willingness to listen to yourself. Use what you've learned not as pressure but as fuel.

And if you're still in the messy middle, still figuring it out - good. That's what real change looks like. There is no real end point; we’re forever a work-in-progress.

One Last Thing

They say you need a strong why, but without hope, even the best why won't move you.

We don't just need purpose. We need to believe change is possible - that we're not stuck forever, that we haven't missed our shot, that we still get to grow.

Hope isn't optional. It's the whole game.

Manufacture it. Protect it like your life depends on it - it kind of does. At least the good on